Univ. of Miami 2L January '07 - And So The Odyssey Continues

Friday, July 15, 2005

This Blog's Gotta Be Short

I've been working all day at the Americasmart Atlanta Gift and Homefurnishings Trade show selling waterfall pictures, wooly, animal-print blankets, and oil paintings reproduced by "art students" (a.k.a. political prisoners) in China. The people I work for are Taiwanese. I help them interpret and understand Central-Appalachian/Georgia Southern English. I also do East Tennesse>Standard English if anyone is looking for a translator.

This is my second show. It's actually quite fun - a free-market capitalists' themepark that the whole family can enjoy - so long as that family is a materialistic, greedy consumer of needless crap with lots of dough. But it's cool. I walk around like I own the place and lots of desperate-looking salesmen check me out from time to time.

This blog's gotta be short 'cause I'm gonna go watch the 11pm re-run of the latest, reality-show set in Miami: Million Dollar Agents on TLC.

When I first had the inkling of attending school at UM. I knew nothing about Miami - the city. So I started watching Animal Planet's Miami Animal Police on tv. I felt it was important to know which mammals, insects, and reptiles to run away from as an initial frame of reference for everything else in the area. Apparently, from the several episodes I saw in which "flight and flee" emerged as a common, team response to crazed-animal attacks, many of Miami-Dade's finest believe the same.

Upon gaining confidence in my knowledge of the dangers inherent in South Florida wild-life (i.e. hungry gator - bad/black-nosed Coral snake - worse), I graduated myself to CSI-Miami. That's when I made the decision to move to Miami. Dead people in Chicago, D.C., New York are invariably overweight, pale and pasty. But in Miami, corpses have the greatest bods and tans.

Currently, I'm in between CSI seasons, and I can't take David Caruso's method-acting and W. Shatner pauses as he insults the 'bad guy' with Spaghetti Western one-liners more than once an episode anymore (FORGET RERUNS.) So I've moved on to view what members of the Heavens' Gate cult would have looked like if, instead of committing group suicide, they had relocated to Miami and started selling real estate: Spooky and Tanned.

Next week is Spooky and Tattooed night with the brand-spanking new and riveting SoBe tattoo parlor reality show: Miami Ink.

Yeah, baby - don't stop. I'm pretty sure I'd rather feed hungry gators by hand and walk around naked amidst black-nosed Coral snakes, than watch a tattoo king get off scraping the image of a Harley Davidson into another guy's ass.


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